Hello, again!
Clearly, my lofty aspirations have been gobbled up by depression, self-effacement, sneering indecision, and gawky inactivity. I vex, I brood, I shake into a thousand tiny pieces. But that is that, and I am back at the keyboard intent on making something of myself and of this blog.
Let’s go over some bullet points, I guess.
- I have decided to focus on three works for the foreseeable future: New Houses on the Moon, Flightless Birds, and Shit Kitten. Currently, I am hobbling together a skeleton and fleshing the bones out a bit with narrative fat. For where I am right now, I think the themes of loneliness, hyper vigilant analysis, and obscene emotion really are what the doctor ordered. My christmas gift to myself is building up these worlds to give me somewhere to live outside of my day-to-day.
- I had a mental breakdown and shaved my head followed by a second one at a furry convention. I am breaking apart. I have been extremely sensitive to what others think about me in person and online. I feel haunted, and I need my house exorcised. As said to a friend, I feel like so many folk out there have spirits like fire: they can give out that fire to anyone and can make it grow and spread. Others are like pitchers of water; we have to portion out from our own reservoir what little liquid we have. I don’t know if this is accurate or fair. I just know I need a solution to keeping my head above water. I am also seeking counseling in the meantime.
- I am falling in love again, and I wish my heart was stronger.
- I think I am moving to NYC in February, but on the other hand, for what I am making money-wise and art-wise, I sorta want to move back to my hometown of Peoria, Illinois. I say this because I have been living in squalor in Saint Louis -- not having the fortitude or presence of mind to venture out in that relatively small city. I think I am actually pretty rural if somewhat urbane. But peddling backward to that womb and tomb podunk town seems like a mistake. I just miss feeling comfortable in a place. Anyway, this is what keeps me up at night.
- A cartooning colleague (and maybe the only person reading this blog) recently noted my sincerity in writing/comics as being an asset. I am humbled (even in my fairly grandiose navel-gazing) by this, and I want to write from this idiom a bit more. Like... with my tweets and throw-away comics, I tend to wax farcical more than anything, so I want to maybe write a comic blog that tackles something honestly and heartfelt. I have thought maybe of doing a daily project of fears and desires -- very loose and simple drawing and writing -- where I could just synthesize some of these aimless feelings productively. Still building this construct up; I don’t know what form it will essentially take, but I’ll keep you posted.
- I am embarrassed by the love people have shown me -- even in these past couple of months. Thank you.
As to my reading list, I am reading the manifesto of Austin Kleon called Show Your Work which is pretty decent. I recommend it.
Be well!
-- Bill
Sorry, Billy, I didn't know things were that rough for you. We had a great talk at the con and though you did mention the head shaving and such, I thought it was a past thing, not current. I don't really know how to help. But I do admire the sincerity in your work and I think it's a strength. For comparison (sort of) when I posted all three collections of my comics, the least 'stunning' was the one that people commented on and downloaded the most; "Harlon." There's a real audience for everyday life, even in furry style. My friend Ant has done a lot of art for thearpy's sake. I wonder if you didn't just cartoon about what's going on with you instead of writing it plainly out would help? Or perhaps doing both? I put a LOT of filters on my work, and sometimes don't realize it's actually very personal until much later. You seem a lot braver than me in this respect. In any case, keep on going and I hope you find some relief soon. It was great seeing you at MFF. As for this blog, you have to advertise it a bit more and, sadly, people are less likely to read long entries these days. Look at mine; it's about 8 years old and I think I, too have one regular reader. That's why it's mostly for me.
ReplyDeleteI would like a link to your blog! I should at least reciprocate some attention. And, as ever, thanks for your kind comments!
DeleteNah, you don't have to reciprocate. If you want, just click on the T' next to my comment. That'll take you there. I post pretty much all the art on tumblr or flickr, so you are only missing my blabbering on.
DeleteNo, I wanna read up on how you're doing! I love talking with you so reading your thoughts would be cool!
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